Category Archives: Metal Jesus Likes

BUILDING A STAR WARS ARCADE MACHINE IN MY HOUSE!!

Carly King unboxes and assembles the Arcade1Up Star Wars arcade cab.

The Star Wars arcade game released in 1983 is like stepping into a time machine that teleports you directly into the cockpit of an X-wing—but with graphics that look like they were designed on an Etch A Sketch. It’s a classic relic from a galaxy not so far away, where the cutting-edge technology of the day meant wireframe graphics and joystick controls that required the reflexes of a Jedi and the patience of Yoda.

When you first approached the machine, it was like encountering a giant, glowing monolith that practically dared you to put in your quarters. The cabinet was decked out in artwork that made you feel like you were about to go on an intergalactic adventure. Once you sat down, though, you quickly realized that the “adventure” consisted of staring at a screen filled with green lines, which somehow represented TIE fighters, turbolasers, and the Death Star.

The controls? Oh, the controls. The joystick was this chunky, plastic thing that felt like it could withstand the force of a Wookiee temper tantrum. It didn’t just move; it clunked into place as you tried to aim your blasters at tiny, geometrical ships that looked like they were drawn by a very ambitious kindergartener.

But once you got into the groove, the game had you hooked. The famous lines from the movie echoed in your ears—”Use the Force, Luke!”—as you navigated the trench run on the Death Star, which was essentially a series of rectangles and trapezoids flying toward you at warp speed. The sound effects were top-notch for the time, with digitized blaster shots and that familiar “pew pew” that made you feel like you were really in the heat of battle.

Surviving long enough to blow up the Death Star was a badge of honor. You’d walk away from the machine with a sense of accomplishment, as well as a slightly sore wrist from manhandling that joystick. And if you really nailed it, you’d get to hear Obi-Wan Kenobi tell you, “The Force will be with you, always,” which was basically the arcade equivalent of a mic drop.

In short, the *Star Wars* arcade game of 1983 was a glorious, low-res homage to the greatest space opera of all time. It was the ultimate test of skill, endurance, and the ability to pretend that a bunch of green lines were actually spaceships. And for those who mastered it, it wasn’t just a game—it was a way of life.

FOUND 1981 Ferrari 512 BB sitting for over 30 years

Peter discovers a beautiful 1981Ferrari 512BB with super low mileage that has been sitting untouched for decades! However this means it also hasn’t been maintained or serviced..he must negotiate a fair shake with the car’s owner in order to get his hands on this one. After taking it back to the shop, Gary is able to take it for a drive before Bill Wallace comes to take a look at it for a customer of his.

The Ferrari 512 BB is like the automotive equivalent of a rockstar from the ’70s—loud, wild, and unapologetically flashy. It’s the kind of car that doesn’t just turn heads; it practically snaps necks.

First, let’s talk about that design. The 512 BB looks like it was sculpted by someone who had a poster of a fighter jet on their wall and thought, “What if we turned this into a car?” With its low-slung body, pop-up headlights, and a rear end that could double as a launch pad, it’s the kind of ride that screams, “I’m fast, and I know it.” The name alone—”Berlinetta Boxer”—sounds like it should come with a pair of aviator sunglasses and a leather jacket.

Under the hood, or rather behind the seats because this is a Ferrari after all, you’ve got a 5.0-liter flat-12 engine. It’s like they crammed an orchestra into the back of the car, and every time you hit the gas, it’s like the conductor just told the brass section to go nuts. The roar of the engine is so intense, it’s like the car is constantly clearing its throat in the most aggressive way possible.

Driving the 512 BB is an experience in itself. It’s not the kind of car that politely asks you to steer; it demands that you hold on for dear life and enjoy the ride. The steering is heavy, the clutch requires the leg strength of a small bear, and the visibility? Well, let’s just say you’re better off focusing on what’s in front of you because whatever’s behind you is already a blur.

But here’s the thing—the 512 BB doesn’t care about your comfort. It’s not here to pamper you with cup holders or Bluetooth. This is a Ferrari from the days when driving was a full-contact sport, and every trip felt like a victory lap at Le Mans. You don’t just drive this car; you wrestle with it, and if you’re lucky, it lets you feel like a hero.

In the end, the Ferrari 512 BB is the kind of car that makes you want to grow a mustache, put on a pair of flared jeans, and blast some classic rock while you tear down the highway. It’s not practical, it’s not subtle, but who cares? It’s a Ferrari, baby—and it’s here to remind you that sometimes, the best things in life are the loudest, most ridiculous, and utterly thrilling.

Star Wars Outlaws Review – “A New Hope” or “Holiday Special”?

Star Wars Outlaws is like that moment when Han Solo realizes he owes Jabba the Hutt way too many credits—but stretched out into an entire video game. Set between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, it introduces us to Kay Vess, who is basically the galaxy’s coolest new smuggler since, well, the original smuggler. She’s got a knack for getting into trouble, but luckily, she’s got a loyal companion, Nix—a little creature that’s part dog, part ferret, and all adorable. Think of Nix as the Chewbacca to Kay’s Han, only furrier and with fewer growls.

The game lets you explore the underbelly of the Star Wars universe like never before. You’ll be flying around in your own ship, pulling off heists, and making morally questionable decisions—because what’s a good outlaw without a little ethical flexibility? Imagine all the stuff Luke, Leia, and the rest were too busy with the whole “saving the galaxy” thing to do, and that’s what Kay’s up to. It’s like they took the Mos Eisley cantina and made it a lifestyle.

This is ACG’s review of the game and performance.

I tried using a Mac for 2 years. Here’s my review.

Long-term MacBook Pro review after 2 years of use.

The Apple MacBook is like the Starship Enterprise of laptops—sleek, shiny, and ready to boldly go where no computer has gone before. Just like the Enterprise, it’s a finely-tuned piece of technology that makes you feel like you’re in command of your own personal starship.

First off, the MacBook’s aluminum body is as smooth and polished as the hull of the Enterprise itself. When you open it up, the screen lights up like a warp core powering on, ready to take you to the farthest reaches of the digital universe—whether that’s exploring strange new websites or conquering the vast expanse of your email inbox.

The keyboard? It’s like the control panel on the bridge—every key precisely engineered for efficient navigation through your tasks. And with that satisfying click, it’s like you’re giving orders to the ship’s computer, which, in this case, is Siri (the ever-patient Starfleet officer who never questions why you need to know the nearest pizza place at 3 a.m.).

The trackpad is your command center, as intuitive as using a tricorder. Swipe, tap, and zoom with the precision of Mr. Spock calculating the odds of successfully completing the Kobayashi Maru. And let’s not forget the MacBook’s battery life—it’s the closest thing we have to dilithium crystals in the 21st century, keeping you powered up for hours, even when you’re light-years away from an outlet.

And when it comes to speed, the MacBook’s M1 chip is like Scotty in the engine room, delivering warp speed performance even when you’ve got more tabs open than a Klingon battlecruiser. Multitasking feels as effortless as Kirk sweet-talking his way out of a tight spot.

Of course, just like the Enterprise, the MacBook isn’t immune to the occasional hiccup—whether it’s a software update that feels like a Romulan cloaking device has activated, or a spinning beach ball that’s as dreaded as a malfunctioning holodeck. But these moments are rare, and your MacBook is usually as reliable as Data running a diagnostic.

In short, the MacBook is the perfect blend of form and function, with a little bit of Starfleet flair. It’s the laptop you’d choose if you were captain of your own starship—or at least the one you’d want while pretending to be. And as any good captain knows, sometimes it’s not just about getting the job done; it’s about doing it with style.

The Immortal John Hancock in Brazil!

The Immortal John Hancock got the honor to attend Retrocon in São Paulo, Brazil and had a blast!

São Paulo, Brazil, is like the over-caffeinated cousin at the family reunion—loud, bustling, full of energy, and impossible to ignore. It’s a city that never sleeps because it’s too busy figuring out how to squeeze 24 hours’ worth of activity into every 12-hour day.

First off, São Paulo is enormous. If you think your daily commute is long, imagine traversing a city that seems to have its own gravitational pull, sucking in everything and everyone within a 50-mile radius. You could probably fit several European countries in there and still have room for a football match.

The traffic is a whole adventure in itself. Navigating São Paulo’s streets is like playing a never-ending game of Tetris, where the blocks are other cars, buses, and the occasional motorcycle zipping by at warp speed. It’s the city where being “fashionably late” is a way of life because, honestly, there was no way you were getting there on time anyway.

But São Paulo is also a city of contrasts. One minute you’re walking past skyscrapers that make you feel like you’ve accidentally stumbled into a “Futurama” episode, and the next, you’re in a leafy neighborhood where time seems to have slowed down just long enough for you to enjoy a leisurely coffee—probably the strongest, richest brew you’ve ever tasted, because in São Paulo, coffee is not just a drink; it’s a lifestyle.

The food scene? It’s like the United Nations on a plate. You can eat your way around the world without ever leaving the city. From sushi to pizza, to Brazilian barbecue that’ll make you question your life choices, São Paulo has it all. Just be prepared to roll yourself home after indulging because portion control is clearly a foreign concept here.

And the people? Paulistanos are the kind of folks who can juggle a dozen different things at once while still managing to look effortlessly cool. They’re friendly, direct, and have a knack for making even the most chaotic day seem like just another Tuesday.

In a nutshell, São Paulo is a wild ride—a chaotic, vibrant, electrifying metropolis that’ll leave you breathless, a little bit lost, and definitely craving another shot of that amazing coffee.

Doug DeMuro – Are Electric Cars Dead?

Today, I am discussing the death of electric cars.

The rise in popularity of the electric car is like watching your quirky, eco-friendly neighbor suddenly become the coolest person on the block. You know the type—the one who composts religiously, rides a bike to work, and has a solar panel collection that could power a small village. One day, they rolled up in a sleek, silent vehicle that looked like it had just been beamed down from a UFO, and everyone else started to notice.

At first, the idea of an electric car was met with skepticism, like it was a fad only for the overly enthusiastic tree-huggers or tech geeks. “It’s quiet,” they said, “like a golf cart on steroids.” People worried about running out of battery in the middle of nowhere, stuck next to a tumbleweed with only their regrets and a fully charged smartphone.

But then something wild happened—people actually started driving these things. And not just the environmentalists. Regular folks realized, “Hey, this thing goes from 0 to 60 faster than my morning coffee kicks in!” Suddenly, it wasn’t just about saving the planet; it was about showing off your new gadget that didn’t sound like a lawnmower with a hangover.

Charging stations started popping up like Starbucks locations, and soon, seeing an electric car on the road was as common as seeing a pigeon in a city park. Now, everyone from soccer moms to speed demons is in on the electric car game, and they’re all loving that moment when they pull up to the gas station and just… drive past it with a smug little grin.

In the end, the electric car’s popularity isn’t just about going green—it’s about going fast, saving money, and having a really good excuse to avoid small talk at the gas pump. And maybe, just maybe, it’s also about the thrill of feeling like you’re driving the future today.

Five GameCube Games That Will NEVER Leave the System!

Sadly, Nintendo’s purple little cube just couldn’t compete against Sony’s juggernaut of the generation. That doesn’t mean there weren’t great games on the system, that will forever be stuck on the system!

The Nintendo GameCube is like the lovable underdog of the console world, resembling a colorful lunchbox with a handle that screams, “Take me to your friend’s house, and let’s party!” It’s as if Nintendo decided to give gaming a fun-sized makeover, creating a compact, cube-shaped delight that could survive a tumble down the stairs and still boot up “Super Smash Bros. Melee” without missing a beat.

Playing on the GameCube feels like rediscovering your favorite childhood snack—it’s nostalgic, satisfying, and always leaves you with a smile. The controllers, with their quirky button layout and trigger buttons that feel like you’re squishing marshmallows, are a perfect match for the system’s quirky charm. Whether you’re navigating the spooky halls of “Luigi’s Mansion” or racing at breakneck speeds in “Mario Kart: Double Dash!!”, the GameCube’s library of games is a treasure trove of fun that proves good things really do come in small, cube-shaped packages.

The Gameboy Advance Is A Nearly Perfect Handheld

I love my Gameboy Advance. And after watching ‪@MetalJesusRocks‬ and ‪@The_RadicalOne‬ do their GBA buying guide last week, I felt inspired to talk about the system as well. I show off different ways you can play GBA games, share some of my hardware that I own, and chat about some of my favorite games for the console.

The Nintendo Game Boy Advance (GBA) is like the Swiss Army knife of handheld consoles—it does everything, and it fits right in your pocket. With its sleek, horizontal design and a vibrant screen that was a major upgrade from its predecessors, the GBA was the cool kid on the block. It was as if Nintendo took a look at the old Game Boy and said, “Let’s give this thing a glow-up.” And oh boy, did they succeed. The GBA was your ticket to a world where you could battle Pokémon, save princesses, and race go-karts—all while pretending to listen during class.

Playing the GBA felt like holding a portal to endless adventures, all powered by a couple of AA batteries. It was the device that made waiting in line at the DMV slightly more bearable and family road trips a bit less torturous. With games like “The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap” and “Advance Wars,” the GBA was a powerhouse of fun packed into a tiny frame. It was like having a miniature arcade in your hands, minus the sticky floors and the guy who always hogged the Street Fighter machine.

Stray – A Magical Catventure w/ Dexter The Xbox Cat

Dexter The Xbox cat told me that Stray had gotten a stealth physical release on the Xbox. So we decided to check it out.

Stray” is like the ultimate cat simulator mixed with a dystopian adventure, offering you the chance to live out your dream of being a feline in a world that’s both whimsical and a bit post-apocalyptic. Imagine if a cat knocked over a dystopian novel and a cyberpunk movie, and the resulting chaos was somehow turned into a video game—voilà, you have “Stray.”

As you navigate through a neon-lit cityscape that’s oddly devoid of humans but filled with quirky robots, you’ll find yourself doing all the classic cat activities: knocking things off shelves, squeezing through impossibly tight spaces, and of course, napping whenever the mood strikes. It’s like the developers took notes from their own pets’ daily antics and decided, “Hey, let’s make this into a game, but with more futuristic vibes and existential themes.” So, if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be a cat on a mission to uncover the mysteries of a robot-inhabited world, “Stray” is your purrfect escape.